Last night, I had a dream that is probably uncommon to most people. Let allow a 20-something male. Now once I start this dream, it will start like any other. Placed in a point where you have no idea how you got there but there still. Thought this is the dream where you seem to actually be awake and living it, but you’re still dreaming and you don’t know it till you stir awake.
And for myself, I was at a photo-shoot. I wasn’t in the photo-shoot, I was working it. Leading me to believe that it is my internship. But I felt such tension working it. It filled the air and I could see it on everyone’s faces but the photographer. The awkwardness that no one questioned but everyone knew was there. Then the model appeared, Karlie Kloss.
[Sidenote: Yes this is a normal male thing to dream of, but give it a chance.]
I could see in her face that she felt the awkwardness as well. But she was a professional and brilliantly seemed to be able to shut off the distraction that swirled around her. Taking stunning photo after stunning photo. The photographer was still pleased to no avail. Starting to scream at the model, the tension only rose. Peoples’ faces shifted. Everyone felt as if this photographer was going too far in his tirade.
At first, the model seemed to be unphased and kept her cool. Then she just broke and ran from the set. The photographer flipped and ran after her, only fueling the embarrassment of the model and the tension of everyone else. As the photographer followed, as did I. Making me believe I was his assistant, or at the least trying to put out the fire that had begun to blaze. Then something happened very unexpectedly.
I grabbed Karlie by her hand and told her just to follow me. We ran through the studio house and found a room and slipped into it. She sat on the edge of the bed in the room and began to cry in front of me. I didn’t know what to do, but I felt the need to comfort her. I placed my hands on her shoulders and just asked if she was okay. Her replying with yes. Knowing that this wasn’t enough to please myself, I asked again. She looked at my and just flung her arms around me and just cried. We stood. And we just stood there. Her crying in my arms, holding her as tight as I could to prove that I was here and everything was going to be alright.
Once she stopped crying, I gave her a kiss on her forehead, letting her know how gorgeous she is and not to listen to the photographer. But instead of hearing my compliment, she asked if I just went on my tiptoes to do that. We chuckled and I replied with yes. And she just kind of laid down on the bed. Feeling as if the moment had not ended, I laid besides her. I continued by asking her if she was alright now, she replied with a yes and thanked me for staying by her even though I had no reason to.
Now this is where the dream gets a little weird. We laid in that bed for it seems like hours, forgetting of the photo-shoot all together. We just talked, we talked about everything. Our childhoods. Our life up to this moment. The feeling of comfort flooded my body as if nothing before ever had. Then a knock came to the door, asking her if she was ready to come back to shoot and if she was that outfit number three was what they were going to shoot. She said she’d be out soon.
She got up from the bed and began to undress in front of me. Now a rush of exhilaration hit me. I sat up on the bed and began to watch her undress. The way I watched her, was as if she had shed some of her outer armor that protects herself from the world. Letting me deeper into her as a person, not just visually but emotionally. Once she was dressed, she turned and laughed a little at me. Noticing how I was taking in the moments of her nakedness and the meaning of her words, she bent down and kissed me. Thanked me again and walked out.
I followed behind, just enthralled by the hours that preceded and the photo-shoot resumed. Throughout the entire time, I was entranced by her. The glow she was now emitting drew everyone in and cleared the air. As I watched, I noticed she would steal a glance at me and smile and I reciprocated. Childish, I know but that feeling. That’s what I am missing.
I’m missing the blind trust that no matter what someone is there for you. The dream only helped me better understand that. Showing me that I am ready for such a moment to occur in my own life. And when that moment comes, I believe that the moment will be unparalleled to my dream. Putting it to shame and only deepening the feeling I felt in the dream. Because I’m hopeless without that feeling. Its what’s missing and I feel like I’ll find it soon enough.
Always with Hope,
Flynn
Murmurations Magazine 